The Most Common Emotional Development Conflicts – Being Parents

During childhood, all children will experience one or more emotional development conflicts. This is all normal, as they are part of their evolutionary development. However, if these conflicts are very frequent or prolonged in time, they can give rise to certain pathologies.

Sometimes emotional conflicts are associated with behavioral disturbances. Among them: failure at school, difficulties in social relations, eating or sleeping disorders… It is therefore important that family members be careful to prevent, detect and treat these emotional conflicts in time.

Affective development conflicts

The development of affectivity begins at birth. The bond that is created between mother and baby will significantly benefit the social, emotional and emotional development of the baby. Emotions and the way the child treats them will be the pillars of his personality.

Despite this, all children will have one or more emotional development conflicts during their childhood. They are part of their development. Thus, we will see below the most frequent.

Anger

A temper tantrum is an immature way of expressing anger or disagreement. The child experiences them from his 12 months to his three or four years.

These seizures manifest as anger, disgust, or exaggerated crying. It is also the form of communication that children should use to express their unmet wants or needs, because at this stage (12-36 months) they still do not know how to control their emotions.

Situations that cause temper tantrums in children

• Basic needs (hunger, thirst, sleep…) that we cannot satisfy for the moment.
• The need to release or release present or past tensions, fears or frustrations.
• The child understands that something is unfair or undeserved.
• Obligation to do something the child does not want to do or to stop doing something that he likes.

Around the age of 2, children discover the power of temper tantrums. If they serve demands and are met immediately, children know they have a tool to manipulate their parents’ emotions to get what they want.

Therefore, it is not advisable to pay attention to temper tantrums motivated by the desire for attention or to demand something.

Once they are calm, we need to talk to them and make them understand that getting angry, crying or kicking are not ways to get what they want. It is important to set limits and not accept their blackmail. Over time, they will understand that the right path is one of dialogue and communication.

However, if the tantrums are due to a basic need, such as sleep, hunger or fatigue, we need to calm them down, reassure them, and hug them.

We will do the same if we find that the child is afraid or frustrated with something. We need to connect to their emotions first, then reorient the behavior and look for possible solutions.

Jealousy, one of the most frequent conflicts in emotional development

Jealousy can be defined as an irrational reaction made up of sadness, loss of self-esteem, and feelings of envy towards another person. This is a normal developmental response to certain changes in the child’s environment.

Seizures of jealousy are usually not significant if they are circumstantial and temporary. However, if they affect the child’s self-esteem, social and emotional relationships, or go beyond the age of 5, they may indicate pathological jealousy.

Thus, jealousy can lead to behavior problems such as aggression, insecurity or regression. It can also lead to imbalances in interpersonal relationships, mistrust, stubbornness or envy.

In general, the main reason for jealousy in children is the arrival of a new brother or sister. Therefore, the child suffers. He realizes that his emotional needs are not being met as before and that he has lost his exclusivity.

But there are also other causes that can cause a child to fear and feel that he is losing the affection of his parents. For example :

• The favoritism and preferences that parents sometimes show for one of their children.
• Excessive dependence of the child on one of the parents.
• Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.

To control and prevent jealousy, it is important for the family to build the child’s self-confidence and educate them about affectivity. It is also important to change certain behaviors to prevent the child from feeling like he is losing his affection.

Regressions

Sometimes the usual behavior of children is changed. A child may regress in his learning, that is, losing skills in a habit he had acquired in earlier stages. For example: wetting the bed again, talking in a more childish way or asking for the pacifier again.

These behaviors appear around the age of 3 or 4 years. They are normal and frequent when the child is confronted with a recent change in his environment which causes him stress.

Thus, regressions act as a defense mechanism in the face of trauma, conflict or emotional imbalance. It is therefore important not to get angry. Regressions are temporary. It is a phase in which the child seeks his emotional balance.

On the other hand, we need to identify the causes that caused the regression. This way we can help the child. As a general rule, we should never get angry with him, criticize him or make him feel ashamed for his behavior. We should show solidarity with the child, show him our affection and devote more time to him.

The most common causes of regression

• Changes in the child care routine; new caregiver or start of school
• The mother’s pregnancy or the birth of a new brother or sister
• A significant illness in the child or a member of the family.
• A recent death of a family member
• Family conflict or parental divorce.
• A recent or future move to a new home.

Fears

Fear is a normal emotion that is part of a child’s development. It is an alarm system that helps the child to avoid potentially dangerous situations. The fearful situations experienced by children vary according to the stage of development.

So, with age, some fears dissipate and new ones seem to adapt to changes in the world around them. These age-related fears tend to be fleeting and short-lived. However, in some children they can become chronic and pathological.

Fears by age

• In the first year, fears of intense or unusual stimuli, such as loud noises and strangers, are more common.

• Until the age of six, fears of animals, storms, darkness, fantastic beings (like witches or ghosts), disasters, and separation from parents are common.
• From the age of six, we fear physical injury, ridicule and, a little later, illness and accidents, poor academic performance and parental disagreement.

In general, physical fears (animals, storms, damage, etc.) decrease with age, while social fears (ridicule, rejection, public speaking, etc.) increase.

On the conflicts of emotional development

If at any point the child exhibits any of these emotional development conflicts, we must assume that they are normal. They are part of its development, therefore, we must always act with affection and love, as long as it is balanced.

Excessive and overprotective affection can negatively affect psychological development just as much as a lack of affection.