How To Solve Communication Problems Between Parents – Being Parents

The absence or communication problems that can arise from a conflict between parents can cause severe disturbances in the family. The relationship between parents deteriorates and children feel insecure  because they do not trust their parents enough.

It has nothing to do with one parent siding with the other parent. Sometimes it’s more about one parent not supporting the other in front of the children.

Even if they disagree on something in particular, parents need to support each other. If after that there are different opinions on raising children, they should talk about it in private, without the little ones.

When there is a lack of support in communication

When a parent does not stand by or support the other in certain circumstances, it is normal for children to see them as “the bad guy”, the “weak” and so on.

Poor communication between parents is not just an argument in front of the children. Most of the time, it includes subtle behaviors or  “styles” of communication that send a hurtful message.

Many parents find it difficult to approach the problem. Indeed, they do not know how to express their embarrassment through words. Parents often have the “feeling” that they are not in a cooperative situation. They fail to see this pattern clearly, however.

Types of communication that can cause problems

There are certain types of communication and parenting behaviors that can cause problems. It is necessary to take them into account because parents will be able to identify if they are in this situation. So here are some of those types of communication that can cause problems.

The card player

In a card game, the player who wins has one card that defeats all the others. In raising children, this person  will always want to be right about how to educate or in a disciplinary situation from the other parent.  This is sometimes done when the other person becomes the new authority figure in the conversation, shouting or imposing punishment.

In other situations, the card player may complain and say that the other parent is infantile, or may “degrade” the other parent by demeaning him or her as a child. It is important that progenitors demonstrate that they are on the same page in a discipline situation. However, this parent will undermine the position of strength of the other parent.

False security

Behind the false sense that the other parent is emotionally hurting the child, the false security will offer some type of relief during a difficult situation. Parents can also walk away in different ways.

For example, allowing the child to use the computer when he was temporarily prohibited or giving attention to the little one in the middle of anger. Dealing with true false security means  reducing your own feelings of embarrassment and anxiety about the child’s situation. 

Parents Analyzer

The parent profile generator will have private conversations with the children about the other parent. This could be either by complaining directly about the other progenitor or by doing so in a less obvious way. “It’s also difficult for me when he / she is in a bad mood”  is a usual phrase.

This style of education  prevents one parent from having to deal directly with the other parent about communication or behavior that bothers them.  In situations where there is truly dangerous parenting behavior, the analyzer will communicate this way with the child instead of considering abandoning the situation.

The one who wants to align others

This type of communication involves bringing other people in the family together to speak out against a parent who is trying to assert their authority or type of upbringing. At mealtime, one who tries to have others on his side can make a child disagree with the other parent’s point of view.

This person will sometimes subtly urge all the children to side with the other parent. Since she is usually in a position of diminishing authority in the situation concerned, children will naturally side with her. Quickly solving these problems is essential.

Solve communication problems between parents

It is almost impossible to address a communication problem with parents when they are in an upbringing situation. Trying to talk about the upbringing error often ends in an argument. It can also lead to an early termination of the discussion to resolve the situation with the child.

As families grow older, it becomes more and more complex if communication issues have not been addressed. These simple suggestions can help parents move towards communication and shared education:

• Analyze the essentials in advance. Compare lists of childhood behaviors that are not acceptable and see which ones deserve lighter consequences. Each parent must balance the negative and positive consequences, using them jointly.

• Do not play the role of the “bad guy”: no one should have it. One should not give this role to a parent, even if it is the most practical role for him. Don’t triangulate unless the other parent asks you to. “Triangulate” means to land in the middle of a conflict between a parent and his child, without them having asked you. You may feel like you have a better set of tools to deal with the situation. However, by doing this, you are undermining the ability of the other parent to solve a problem in its entirety.

Remember these points about communication problems …

• If you don’t agree, openly say you respect the other parent’s opinion. Open disagreement between parents is not a sign of poor upbringing. If done well, it can help children understand how to deal with differences of opinion.

• Decide on important consequences after the discussion. There is no rule that parents do not have time to talk about a consequence of a child’s behavior before deciding. Talk about it for a few minutes to agree on an appropriate consequence. And, most importantly, discuss how you can get the child to change their behavior the next time around.
• Avoiding harmful disagreements and displaying a united front leads to a better outcome for children. Achieving this quality of communication with your spouse is a goal that requires effort. It also requires having the courage to change and to understand that we will gain something instead of losing, if it works.