The Dangers Of A Spoiled Child: Learn To Say No To Him – Parenthood

We are all afraid of temper tantrums especially if they are in public, this  is surely the characteristic that we emphasize and that we neglect the most in a capricious child. But this is only a consequence of the personality of a spoiled child.

Just because a child has temper tantrums doesn’t necessarily mean he’s spoiled,  there is an age where temper tantrums are common and as parents you should learn to cope and know that this is a stage that you will overcome together.

The worst consequence for a spoiled child is that he does not know his limits, how to  behave  and what is expected of him. The idea, rather than saying no to everything, that he does not touch this or that, that he does not do this or that, is that he develops a minimum of consciousness  and that he knows, in the measure of his abilities and age, what to do and what not to do.

“What we want to achieve is that the child develops a genuine desire to cooperate without the threat of punishment or reward; that is to say that our son or our daughter manages to self-regulate, without depending on constant monitoring ”, underlines Violeta Alcocer, specialist in the current of  mothering.

The ideal, continues the blogger, is that your child becomes the guardian of himself,  that he guides his life on the basis of ethics and values ​​that he has consciously decided to integrate into his emotional baggage. .

What are the limits ?

Limits (the ones we talk about a lot and no one really know what they represent) are nothing more than the commonplace where our needs meet those of others,  the space from which a healthy equilibrium begins, c t is the framework within which our healthy relationships with ourselves, with others and with the environment around us are contained.

In another of her articles, the specialist explains that  limits do not always have to do with firmness, authority or the ability to say “no” :  it is about the ability to harmoniously combine our needs with those of our children.

On the other hand,  prospects are what we expect from our children and what we expect from ourselves as parents and as families. Limits and perspectives are two closely related concepts, because our expectations are the frame of reference for our limits, they define them, argues Alcocer.

Saying no is not enough

It is important to think about the role of no in a child’s life. “Personally I totally oppose the theories which propose the“ no ”as the educational panacea (in general these theories invite us to consider that active frustration, namely the fact of voluntarily denying the desires of the child, is necessary and encourages growth because that’s what he will encounter in life) ”, formalizes the expert.

So that this learning can take place, it is fundamental that faced with the desire of our child, instead of closing the subject with a “no” and moving on, we are able to say “yes, but until now ”. The categorical “no” is recommended when what is behind it is an electrical outlet or an embankment. Also, when it comes to a slap on a brother or something else that dishonors what we consider to be respect or as a fundamental part of our cohabitation or our vital good walk.

Learn to speak and understand

In her books, psychologist and writer Rosa Jove explains a technique for dealing with your child’s temper tantrums,  her advice includes understanding a little one always with tenderness.  

It is an exercise that requires a lot of self-control and patience. It is important to first observe in yourself situations that make you angry and that you cannot handle. It is also necessary to see your child’s weak points and explain to him why he cannot get the treat he wants or cannot do certain things, for example.

The specialist advises to always tell your child that you love them,  that you probably disagree on certain things, that you can deny them certain objects or limit certain actions, nevertheless that you still love them and that will never change. .