Are You A Toxic Mother? – Being Parents
There are a lot of toxic mothers in our society today. Do you dread being part of it? Find out in this article if you have the characteristics of a toxic mother.
A toxic mother is a woman who became a mother out of conventionalism. Because that’s how her life course was mapped out, because that’s what we expected of her.
Are you a toxic mother?
Many mothers are unaware that they can be toxic mothers. The behavior of toxic mothers is due to certain particular personality traits.
These are usually women so dominant and strong that they feel the need to keep everything under control. These are people who think that expressing their feelings is a sign of weakness and prefer to mark a strict emotional distance. Toxic mothers are also often narcissistic mothers who are extremely focused on themselves.
This way of raising children is undoubtedly based on a need to reassert oneself and gain confidence.
Typical characteristics of the toxic mother
Toxic mothers are mothers who have a negative outlook on the world. They tend to be destructive, over-controlling, overprotective, and do not promote their children’s personality development.
1. They exercise excessive control
A toxic mother is usually someone who needs to be in control in all aspects of her life. She therefore tries to control everything concerning the life of her child in the same way.
Exercising this control is her way of showing her love and affection for others. So she actually sees it as something positive and necessary for her relationship with her child.
She may even get angry if her child wants to make a different decision than the one she has told him.
2. They use manipulation to achieve their goals
When children try to be independent, it is common for these mothers to be offended and express that they feel rejected.
They thus manage to make their child feel guilty, so that he changes his behavior in the face of the risk of harming his mother. Or that he continues to do the same things but in hiding, so as not to make her suffer.
By doing this, in many cases children are doing things they do not want to do. And they then accumulate resentment in the face of these decisions and behaviors caused by emotional blackmail allowing the mother to achieve her ends.
3. They perpetually seek to be the center of attention
It may happen that the toxic mother expresses a double desire.
On the one hand, she wants her child to be successful in whatever he sets out to do, but at the same time, she doesn’t want him to surpass her in any area.
She will thus say that her child must be successful in life and pursue her dreams, but at the same time, he must not surpass her because then she would cease to be the center of attention.
On other occasions, she can use her illnesses or pathologies so that her child gives her constant attention.
It is then common for them to use manipulation to achieve what they think is correct.
4. They are excessively authoritarian
Everything must be done according to their standards, and they do not accept that their children have other opinions than theirs, or that they make other choices.
Often, when their child grows up, toxic mothers tend to voice their opinions on everything related to their child’s partner. This is particularly a source of arguments, if the child begins to let go of the relationship he has with his mother and to be more independent.
How not to be a toxic mother
You need to know if you are capable of change.
There is a need to change the way you behave with your child, by having more control over yourself, developing better socializing skills and fair communication, instead of aggressive communication.
Always remember these little practical tips:
- You are his mother, not his friend
- You are his mother, not his daughter
- He / she is not competing with you, and you are not competing with him / her
- You don’t have to be in control
- Never use emotional blackmail and manipulation
- Listen, instead of just hearing
- Be more flexible
- Learn to laugh
- Practice self-criticism
The result of all of this will be that you will enjoy life more. And your family and circle of friends will be closer to you.
Thus, by starting by initiating a process of change at your level, you will be able to succeed in becoming a more loving mother, who makes life pleasant for others.
