Educating As A Couple – Being Parents

Faced with such a complex, arduous and long task that is the education of children, it is obvious that the union between the parents is an indispensable aspect. Educating as a couple requires a certain coordination and probably generates disagreements, but  the results are multiplied.

It is possible that, when one thinks of having children, the idea of ​​planning and reaching an agreement on the methods of education seems easy. This is often seen as something that only requires a few minutes of conversation.

However, reality always ends up teaching new parents a lesson. And this is where arguments, frustration, and even marital issues arise. Educating as a couple is not just a practical tactic for parents and children:  it is a challenge and a responsibility for adults.

Keys to educating as a couple

Thanks to the following suggestions, both parents will be able to count on a greater number of tools to succeed in the difficult mission of educating as a couple:

1. Set standards and meet them both

If a child sees that there are disagreements between his parents, he will soon benefit from it. This situation is far from rare. For example, when one of the parents gives permission to do something while the other has forbidden it.

At this moment, the child perceives a loophole and knows that this situation can be advantageous for him, in the present as in the future. Moreover, the differences between the parents will not be long in coming; revealing to the child the lack of unity between them will have nothing of advantage in his education.

Therefore, it  is best to set standards in advance and not to make exceptions or give permissions to the child without consulting the other. By doing this, the child will respect the authority of his parents and know that “divide and conquer” is not a viable opportunity.

2. Put your ego aside

Any attempt to impersonate the nicest, strictest, most responsible, or most permissive parent will result in a loss of authority with the child. In this relationship, the two figures – father and mother – must be at the same level. In addition, it is recommended not to make important decisions without consulting the other, nor questioning his mistakes or his abilities in front of the little one.

3. Confidence and patience to educate

Remember that we all make mistakes and no one is born knowing how to do everything. Even less when it comes to something as difficult as raising a child.

Both members of the couple must therefore be patient and  know how to correct errors constructively; you have to focus on the future rather than blaming the past. And it also takes a good deal of patience. Each individual has his good days and his bad days; the child too.

That is why love and tolerance must be the masters in the house. No one does bad things on purpose: mistakes are part of the inexorable personality and life experience of every individual.

4. Agree on a reward system

A good technique to be equanimous about the relationship with the little one  and the valuation of his actions is to establish some kind of “system” to reward his good behavior. Thus, we will prevent one of the two from being “too nice” to the child, by passing off the other for a more austere figure; this would weaken the child’s image of this adult.

5. Do not look for the culprit

A common mistake is to project the bad behavior or mistakes of the child on the other. Sentences like  “he doesn’t respect the schedules because you let him go to bed at any time”  only serve to reinforce disagreements between the parents.

Neither should the child be blamed for everything, and even less for the discrepancies between adults. When an error occurs, all you have to do is fix it and explain what happened  so that you don’t see it happening again in the future. All of this must of course be done in a constructive and empathetic manner.

Never forget, you and your partner, that before you were parents, you were two intimate people who enjoyed time together. Don’t let responsibilities stifle you and take the fun out of your life. Maintaining this flame between you is one of the pillars of family happiness.