How Do Men Experience Spontaneous Abortions? – Being Parents

Spontaneous abortions are a highly painful process for a couple, who see their desires to start a family diminish, at least temporarily. Even though the focus is usually on mothers in these kinds of situations, how do men experience spontaneous abortions?

Logically, most often special attention is paid to the feelings of the woman who has gone through such an experience. Usually, very strong feelings of loss, guilt, denial and despondency emerge in her, which deserve proper attention and treatment.

However, we must not forget that there is another part involved in this event, who also suffers a lot: it is the father. Even if he has not suffered the physical symptoms of fetal death, he can be deeply affected by such a severe blow.

The couple in spontaneous abortions

We will start by analyzing how a couple can feel when they are going through this difficult time and what they can do to overcome it. Of course, the main need of both members is to mobilize accompaniment and support.

We all have unique personalities that are unique to us, which is why the feelings of each member of the couple can vary and require different recovery times. Because of this, it is better not to rush any decision-making and not to skip the steps. Each must give the other the time and space they need, without ceasing to support them when they need it.

There can also be conflicts, and that’s understandable. The stress experienced is enormous, both physically and mentally; To this is added professional and social reintegration as well as intimacy in the couple, a point which can cause disagreements.

As the saying goes, everything has its time. The important thing is to understand that the other also deserves the time he needs to go through the bereavement, and it is essential to respect this. We cannot compare or evaluate the reaction of each member of the couple, since it all depends on the personality.

How do men experience spontaneous abortions?

While he may not have a concrete physical connection with the baby until birth, the father can be very affected by the loss after a spontaneous abortion. During the months of pregnancy, he also forges a very strong emotional bond with the unborn baby. Like the mother, the man may experience the following feelings during grief:

• Anguish: logically, as in the case of any loss, a spontaneous abortion generates great discomfort for both the mother and the father.
• Insecurity: this is a moment which, in addition to being very hard, can leave consequences in the future. It is possible that the father wonders about the possible responsibilities of his partner, but also his in the death of the child; thus, he may question their ability to have a child in the future.
• Impotence: it is possible that a man, who even during pregnancy may feel a little “left out”, considers himself incapable of reacting to such an ordeal.

Should the father speak up or be silent?

Not wishing to upset their wives even more, many men decide to be strong and keep their feelings of pain within themselves. However, this is not recommended. Indeed, emotions as intense as those which characterize the bereavement after a spontaneous abortion cannot be omitted. And at one point or another, positively or negatively, they will have to come out.

Even if this does not happen in the short term, repressed feelings seriously reach emotional, and sometimes physical, stability. There is nothing wrong, then, for man to expose his pain. And it would be even healthier that way. In any case, if he considers that his wife is unable to help him manage his sentence, he can appeal to his family or close friends; indeed, it is always good to find support from the people you love.

How to get out of this pain?

It is clear that there is no magic formula for going through grief, let alone in the case of a spontaneous abortion, since it is something completely unexpected. However, it is indeed possible to consider some suggestions, at least to have them in mind when the time comes.

A good step is to put off important decisions and regain some stability. There is no point in deciding when to do what to do with items that had been purchased or the baby’s room, or even immediately trying to have a child again.

Nothing better than to promote good communication, both within the couple and with the outside world. There is no need to hide what happened, although only talking to people you trust is best. On the other hand, let us underline that there is a figure having a very particular importance: the doctor. Talking with him can indeed greatly help to overcome this difficult and painful time. He is familiar with these kinds of situations and can provide valuable advice about the difficult process.