The Limits That The Stepfather Or The Stepmother Must Not Cross – Being Parents

8 limits that the stepfather or the stepmother must not cross for a healthy discipline

Before building a relationship with someone who already has children from a first union, it is important to understand how important the bond between parents and children is. This bond must remain strong for the blended family to be healthy. Children should never feel abandoned, especially when a new person comes into the family.

It is better not to have invasive behavior to prevent the nuclear family from feeling attacked. You will be more easily integrated if you do not try to impose your will and your way of life. Do not cross these eight limits.

1. Do not try to take the place of the father or the mother. Whether the previous union ended in divorce or death, you should not try to replace the parental figure. Even if you love your spouse’s children as if they were your own, they are not yours. It is necessary to respect the methods of education in force in the family. Don’t demand that you be treated like someone you’re not.

2. Don’t hit the kids. It’s a behavior you shouldn’t have with your own kids, but it’s even worse if they’re not your own. When someone new to the family inflicts corporal punishment on a child, it can damage their relationship beyond repair. You have to learn to calm your temper to avoid this kind of situation.

3. Don’t impose yourself as an authority figure. Young children, especially between the ages of five and six, may be more willing to accept the authority of a stepfather or stepmother. But school-aged children and adolescents have a hard time accepting this kind of behavior.

4. Stay out of discussions between your partner and their ex. It can be very tempting to take sides in a conversation or argument between your husband or wife and their ex, but it is not the right thing to do. Even though they are no longer together, they have an important bond that prevails. Indeed, they have children together. The stepfather or stepmother must avoid taking on a role that is not his.

5. Also, don’t get involved in discussions between your spouse and their children. If you want your relationship with your spouse and children to continue, you better let them deal with conflict in their own way. An awkward remark at the wrong time can generate resentment and embarrassment in the couple. Stay away from times of tension. Your spouse and their children will get by without you.

6. Don’t question the authority of your spouse’s ex. If the parents of the children have agreed on certain rules, you should not go back on these rules under any circumstances. It would be a lack of respect: you do not have the same relationship with these children as their parents. However, the right to make decisions and set the rules belongs to parents.

7. Don’t criticize your partner’s ex. It doesn’t matter if he or she isn’t a good person or that he or she made mistakes. One should not criticize one of the children’s parents. This could lead to major conflicts and generate resentment, not against your partner’s ex, but against the stepfather or stepmother. In addition, your spouse may feel attacked as well.

8. Don’t put pressure on your partner or blame him for spending time with his children. You have to find a balance between all these limits to respect and the moments you have to share with your family. However, always remember that children will always need their parents more than you do. Respect these intimate moments and learn to share them with your new blended family.